MC Peaches Christ with Hugz Bunny enjoyed the stage commentary of the hot sexy movies and VIP party pole dancers. Photo by Rink.

Good Vibrations, the legendary destination for sex-positive products, held the Third Annual Good Vibrations Amateur Erotic Film Festival at the Castro Theatre. Our hostess, Peaches Christ, welcomed us to the 1970’s Sherman Oaks porn scene on Oct. 30. We donned our sleaziest duds to enjoy eight short films by the best amateur erotic film makers of our time. Peaches, of Midnight Mass fame, was our mistress of ceremonies at this ultra sexy night of screening a talented body of work in short film entertainment. Peaches’ practically pornographic pals – four queens of San Francisco – Valley Girl Hugz Bunny, Filthiest Person Alive Renttecca, Lady Bear the Bitch, and Staff Sexologist at Good Vibes, Dr. Carol Queen, Ph.D. - joined Peaches onstage, laying back on couches and in a giant high heel shoe, making comments during each of the films’ screenings in the manner of TV’s classic Mystery Science Theater 3000’s interruptions and wry commentaries, and judging the winners. Peaches, in a big blue wig, got all hip-hop on us, doing a live tranny rap of her composition, “I’m Gangsta.” All the hookers in the house say, “’ho!” Fierce!

Lady Bear said she enjoyed straight men, cooking, and cats, so “Color Sex Cook” by David and Ellen Borengasser was right up her alley, with tons of close-ups of sex, cooking, and kitties. Peaches said it was the biggest dick she ever saw. “Future O” by Cecil Hirvi was the only animated film in the festival, and was about BDSM on a spaceship with a Vulcan lady exhibitionist masturbator. Queen hailed its high production values. “Snake Charmer” by Robbyn Alexander had a woman kissing a cobra on the lips. Ew. Hugz loved the rad boobs. Renttecca said she felt like she was on acid while watching that. Me too. Bad acid. Scary acid. The only snakes I kiss are inside trousers. Sico is a Spanish screenwriter whose focus is animation and porn. Her “Placeres” was the most pornographic of the eight. It kept alternating between sex and fruit and meat and masturbation and blowjobs. One of the queens remarked how she knew about the age-defying benefits of cucumber on the eyes, but wondered how that worked with papaya on the vagina.

“Suck My Crutch” by Stephanie Ann Barba was about a hot dominatrix in a wheelchair who made her slave-boy lick her wheels and yes, suck her crutch. The film ended with her saying, “Now let’s really play,” and this cruel dom did not give us the privilege of watching whatever would ensue. But the audience voted it their favorite. 

Best Use of a Sex Toy went to Narcissister for “Narcissister’s Self-Gratifier.” Before she called herself Narcissister she was a modern dancer with Alvin Ailey American Dance Center. For this performance, she was on a very different workout bike-like contraption. The seat had a built-in butt plug. As she pedaled, whips whacked at her back; a big black dildo pushed into her face; and fake hands felt up her boobs. Carol Queen commented, “That would make me want to join a gym!”

Most Creative was “Phil Loves San Francisco” by D. Irene Catempa Milder, Philip Walter Darnowsky, and Sadie Lune. Sadie is a multimedia artist, proud sex worker, and self described pleasure activist, whose 2007 People’s Choice Award winner was “Yum.” And Phil – well, he loves San Francisco. Literally! Phil sticks his dick in the dirt of Golden Gate Park; caresses Twin Peaks by rubbing his nipples; fucks the N-Judah; screws a burrito in the Mission District, and rides the bike lane in naught but a thong.

Superior Filmmaking went to Lance Raynor for “Ghostsbustanut,” very loosely described as an anthropologist’s look at primitive dildo dances. Not true. Little Penelope, newly arrived in San Francisco, comes to a haunted house managed by a scary tranny. The ghosts there are all gay and having pig sex, trying to frighten the intruder. But Penny gets the last laugh, caging and fucking all the poofter poltergeists. Lady Bear wanted to know - since housing is so scarce here – what the rent was like in that Victorian.

The VIP Pre-Party on the Mezzanine gave us the pleasures of DJ Wrong of The Magnificent 7 spinning the funk while enjoying Roshambo wine or beer from the bar; spinning the “Wheel of Pleasure” for free prizes including special giveaways from co-presenters Tantus Toys and Digital Playground films (I got a sexy, black lacy blindfold, and my escort got a Make Your Own Sex Toys softbound book – putting the “do it” back in “do it yourself”). We also got our groove on watching pole dancers from The Lusty Lady, San Francisco’s finest peep show, and a hot guy pole dancer too. I am tempted to say I wouldn’t mind him dancing around my pole, but I won’t say that. I’m too classy. Several sexy cigarette girls and boys sashayed about selling – not cigarettes but special lubes and sex toys, including the tiny Pearl vibrator (to be used ON and not IN, as I was warned by wise Carol Queen). All in all it was a very erotic evening indeed!