Photo by Kevin Goebel

After a “Balls Out Ball” of 2006 that people are still buzzing about, there just had to be another Ball to blow everyone away and raise funds for the San Francisco Fog Rugby Football Club. The Big Gay Frat House presented the Ball on Oct. 13 at Danz Haus in Potrero Hill. The event was hosted by Ethel Merman and Monistat, and featured as a special guest, the award-winning actress, singer, comic, writer, director, producer, and Gay Icon - Julie Brown.

Ethel sang live “I Will Follow” by U2, “Money” (since it was a charity event), and Led Zeppelin’s “Rock ‘n Roll.” Monistat lip-synched the finale from “A Star Is Born,” “Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds,” “La Lupe’s Fever,” and Etta James’ “I Just Want to Make Love to You.” She said all of her outfits that night were hand-me-downs from her drag mother, Putanesca. Later Ethel sang Cab Calloway’s “Minnie the Moocher,” getting the audience to sing along “Hidey hi, hidey ho,” followed by “Born to be Wild.”

There were various rugby shirts for sale with the names of positions that I never heard of: center hooker, scrum half, fly half, and flanker, for instance.

Brown was hilarious and super sexy, wearing a red and black puss print blouse trimmed with black marabou. She opened with her classic, “I Like ‘em Big and Stupid” also known as “The Bigger They Come, the Harder They Fall.” But why did Julie look right at me when she said, “I like them real dumb” ??! She jumped off the stage to work the audience and get individuals in the crowd singing along. She said, “This has been quite a year for me. I got divorced.” The crowd sympathized with a big “awwww,” and she added, “and what really sucks is this was my second divorce.” She said it’s weird how marriage is really fabulous at first: “You have sex all the time, on every piece of furniture in the house, including the dining room table and washing machine. We even did it on the stove once, and I got burned by two pilot lights.” But after a while, she said, it gets boring. “You talk about your jobs and your children and start losing every sexual impulse,” she said, “while all my gay friends are out having a blast.” She said, “I just hope you know how fuckin’ lucky you all are. And that was the perfect intro to her newest song, “I Want to be Gay.” This was the fourth and most recent single released by Brown, 18 years after her last single. The lyrics said: “If I had the chance to come back again and be gay, would I do it? You bet your ass I would!”

And she got everyone to sing the chorus: “Hey, hey, hey, I want to be gay,” as she pulled out a tiny, revolving mirrored disco ball and flashlight to give the proper gay ambiance. She utterly brought down the house when she sang just the first two bars of “The Homecoming Queen’s Got a Gun.” Running through the crowd in frenzy, she related the psychotic homicidal tale of Debbie, asking why she shot all the school kids. When Debbie said, “I did it for Johnny,” she wondered who Johnny was. Looking dead-on at Sister Dana, she posed the musical question: “Are YOU Johnny?” and I shook my head vigorously. Not I.

Ethel Merman said, “I used to be Johnny - before my transition,” but then recanted her declaration. Then the human auction began with Ethel bringing to the stage various SF Fog Rugby members - male and female - offering special dates such as hang gliding, snowboarding, walking tours, gourmet dinners, concerts, videography service, and personal training.

Then it was time for The Ladies of Burlesque – five women ranging from butch to femme - to entertain to Pink’s “You and Your Hand,” in which Pink musically informs: “I’m not here for your entertainment.” But the Ladies were quite entertaining, despite the fact that no clothing was removed. But if you wanted clothing removed, you just had to wait for the next act, when seven rugby guys did the Full Monty to “Loosen Up My Buttons” by the Pussycat Dolls – shaking their moneymakers, stripping their uniforms off to just jock straps, and then pulling the jocks off, unabashedly waving them and their twigs & berries in the air for all to enjoy.

Julie Brown spoke with Sister Dana in the VIP room upstairs. “When I was invited to this event, it sounded fascinating,” she said. “Besides, I love San Francisco.” She said she went to acting school in the City years ago with A.C.T. “I use any chance to be here,” she confessed. “And it was a most beautiful day today.” She said she was happy to know the event was raising money so the rugby players could go to Ireland to play. She said, “I didn’t even know what rugby was, but it sounded like fun when they explained.” She said she was thrilled that this was a mostly gay event. She said she was not looking for a husband there (obviously), “but I brought ‘The Boyfriend,’ so I didn’t need a husband.” She added, “There are some really cute guys here, aren’t there? My God, really cute!” She said she was especially excited about the naked guys in the Full Monty part of the show. The woman has good taste – I’ll say that!