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| Glide’s Calvin Gipson (2nd from left) is happily surrounded by members of the Gay mens chorus. Photo by Rink. |
By Master Sister Dana Van Iquity
It’s now called Up Your Alley Fair; they used to call it the Dore Alley Fair; but after that hot July 30 day, it should be named Dick Alley Fair. Dicks, dicks, dicks… everywhere you looked there were big, hard, gorgeous dicks! Viagra was very big this year, and I do mean BIG! Some of these guys must have swallowed a bottle-full! The area was utterly packed butts-to-nuts and shoulder-to-shoulder with happy leather and latex revelers of all shapes, sizes, genders, and ages.
This year the fashion statement was a studded leather cock-ring with perhaps a ball-stretcher as an accessory. Wearing anything more was considered over-dressing by some fetishy fairgoers. But there were also plenty of leather/latex outfits and various costumes. One guy carried a pug puppy who wore an “Up Your Alley” sticker on his doggie behind. There were exciting fair wares to browse over and try on. This year my favorite T-shirts for sale said, “I’m not versatile; I’m just desperate;” “The flogging will continue until the morale improves;” “It’s better to be pissed on than pissed off;” and my favorite, “Ouch is not a safe word.” Elsewhere there were clever shirts embroidered with S&Ms [rather than M&Ms] candy dominants whipping their submissive, harnessed, candy-coated peanuts into shape.
Instruments of pleasurable torture were everywhere. Furry animal prints were very big this year on paddles. One side was warm and fuzzy on the bare butt, while the other side was hot and hard. Rhinestone-studded puppy collars were available for all the two-legged dogs with opposable thumbs. And heavy metal choke chains made sure Fido and Fifi behaved at all times.
According to official Folsom Street Events™, a record-breaking 12,000 leather/fetish attendees had fun in the sun, which put FSE on target to break the $130,000 mark—an increase of almost 5 percent over last year’s fair. There was a strong lineup of DJs (Joseph Lee, Cary Stringfellow, and Matt Consola) to get the crowd dancing. According to Andy Copper, board president of Folsom Street Events, “Up Your Alley has never been a more exceptional event for our community. With help from The Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence and our 12 benefiting charities, we produced an extremely ‘intimate’ leather street fair where the adult alternative lifestyle community was recognized, appreciated, and celebrated.”
According to Demetri Moshoyannis, executive director, the board and staff were “extremely pleased with this year’s Up Your Alley performance, as we raised a record-setting amount of income from sponsorships, gate donations, booth sales, and beer and liquor sales.” He said, “With an über-hot crowd of fun and sexy leather folk, we couldn’t be happier. This was a memorable event!” He told Bay Times, “If the vitality and enthusiasm of Up Your Alley is any indication of what’s in store for Folsom Street Fair, it’s gonna be one freakin’ hot day of San Francisco kink!”
This year’s event benefited charities including AIDS/HIV/Hep C Nightline, Asian & Pacific Islander Wellness Center, Bay Area Young Positives, Episcopal Community Services, The Family Link, Frameline, Immune Enhancement Project, Lesbian Health Research Center, Magnet, SF Gay Men’s Chorus, Tenderloin Health (the merger of Tenderloin AIDS Resource Center and Continuum), and Visual Aid.
Moshoyannis is the relatively new E.D. of FSE, having been a director of Being Alive (the PWA coalition in Los Angeles) and of Bay Area Young Positives. “I’m very excited about this position. It’s been a little over six months, and my plan is to make the best out of a really good thing—keeping it true to our roots and making improvements all along,” he told Bay Times. He said, for example, at the Folsom Street Fair there will be a women’s area where they can play in and feel safe. He said hit bands are signed on such as Thrill Kill Cult, as well as local bands. He was proud that this was the greenest event it could be, with lots of recycling and composting. He said, “I notice the crowd is pretty randy, with a lot of nudity.”
Mrs. Vera wore an outfit she fashioned with a plethora of vegetables and fruit and ocean things. “I am out here to promote eating more fruit and fiber and living under the sea,” she joked. Explaining her fashion sense, she said, “Basically I live in a dump and when I go out, I cover myself in glue and roll around until it’s time to go.” Her escort Mr. Tina was in a multicolored fuzzy chaps kind of thing, with a bizarre light fixture attached to his mohawk. He had a giant red rape whistle around his neck, “for when I see a consensual rape gay gang bang going on and I can join them.” He said he was directing people to the entrances and exits. He would say, “This is the innie where you donate and that is the outie where you leave.”
Magnet was one of the beneficiaries this year. Magnet E.D. Steven Gibson said, “The weather is perfect today. Not too hot or too cold. Just perfect for the kink!” He added, “I’m single again, and I haven’t gotten any yet today.”
I ran into one of my favorite porn stars, Tober Brandt, in a mesh jockstrap and vampire teeth, and told him how disappointed I was that I didn’t get a lap dance from him at Peaches Christ’s Midnight Mass presentation of Showgirls. He said he was sorry, but there just were too many laps for him to get to everyone. “I am here irritating the security guards, who have harassed me three times so far,” he said. “Apparently putting a dick in my mouth is a really offensive thing. I told them I was just doing a public service. It was exposed and I was trying to prevent public indecency but covering it with my mouth.”
The Bare Chest Calendar Men were there selling their calendars for AIDS Emergency Fund and Positive Resource Center. “I’ll be very busy between now and the end of December, working for the calendar,” said Mr. July 2007 Pete. They plan to be at every possible fair hawking the calendars for charity. “These are really important agencies that we have to support. It’s good karma.” Mr. January 2007 Matt said, “I ran for the title because I’m an attention whore. No, that’s not true. I just wanted to get more involved in the gay community, and this is a great way to do that.” He said his partner will probably run next year and he’ll be the “first lady” to him. That was my description, not his.
SF Emperor Jason Ladd said, “I’m here, I’m queer, and I’m not going home yet.” He was accompanying expatriate SF Empress Snatch, who has deserted us to live in the desert of Palm Springs. “Love you. Mean it. Hope your hair wins,” she said.
The Sisters ran a spanking booth and dildo toss into Bush’s mouth. Sister Penny Lane, aka SF Emperor 33 John Richard, was in charge of the booth. S/he said, “We’re here at the fair watching all the nastiness and flogging boys for days,” and then she flogged me. Hey! I’m supposed to be the dom, not the submissive.
Novice Sister Mary Juanita High was promoting the Sisters’ “Tour de Castro” tricycle race and bar crawl on Oct. 21 benefiting AIDS LifeCycle bike riders. For info, go to TheSisters.org. A leathered up Dr. Kathleen McGuire, director of the SF Gay Men’s Chorus, said she was going for a stroll in her neighborhood, because she actually lives on Dore Alley. She was out plugging the Chorus’ fundraiser on Aug. 5, “Catered By the Chorus,” where singers offer their homes and their cooking skills. For info, go to cateredbythechorus.blogspot.com or call (415) 865-ARTS.
So that was it for Up Your Alley. Now I’ve gotta figure out WHAT to wear for Folsom Street Fair on Sept. 24. What’s a leather nun to do?!!
