Photo by Rink.

San Francisco Gay Men’s Community Initiative has recently come up with the “Say ‘Hi!’ to a Gay Guy” campaign, passing out cards that encourage gays to do just that. Its purpose is to create an atmosphere of friendliness in the gay community, most directly in the Castro where such a large number of gay men hang out on weekends. The San Francisco Gay Men’s Community Initiative is dedicated to responding to the wants and needs of the gay community as a way of building a more united and healthier community. They address whatever it is people tell them they are concerned about, and what the majority has told them is that they don’t feel that there is much of a sense of gay community in the City. According to the project creator Joe Imbriani, “They feel invisible. They feel out of place. They feel that the most hostility they have ever felt has come from within their own community.” He says, “Nobody seems to care about the ‘other guy’ and a lot of guys don’t care all that much about themselves. Sometimes, to get that much needed feeling of validation, guys will do things that will put them in harm’s way. They may have all the information they need to make healthy choices but they will take the risks anyway.” He says it is well known that HIV, substance dependency, depression, and gay youth suicide is a problem in the gay community, but there seems to be a widespread sense of apathy. HIV was not even one of the top 10 concerns of hundreds of the gay men SF Gay Men’s Community Initiative surveyed in 2003.

IIt is a fact that when people feel as if they belong to an extended family or community, they have a natural tendency to take better care of themselves and of each other,” says Imbriani. “Based on that fact, we feel that if we can create a stronger sense of belonging in our entire community, guys will have a greater sense of self worth and will make healthier choices when they are faced with decisions that could put them in danger.” Just by creating a friendlier community, people will feel less isolated, less alienated, and less alone and will feel better about themselves. They will feel a sense of worth, he says, that will impact every decision they make and the way they look at themselves. “Say ‘Hi!’ to a Gay Guy” is an event that sets a new example of what a friendlier and healthier community norm can be. It is a visual demonstration of caring between and for gay men in San Francisco. It is about compassion and acceptance. “It shows how all gay men, black, white, Asian, Latin, tall, short, fat, skinny, top, bottom, butch, nelly, etc., can enjoy being together in the spirit of friendliness and community.” Imbriani concludes, “In the end, we may have only one thing in common, but it is our greatest strength—we are all gay men—and together we can overcome any obstacle that comes our way, just as we have in the past.”

The next “Say ‘Hi!’ to a Gay Guy” event is Saturday, Aug. 20, beginning at 12:30 at Harvey Milk Plaza. As the group leaves the Plaza and strolls through the Castro, they enjoy each other’s company, talking with friends as they walk, while at the same time saying “hi” and passing “Hi!” cards to every gay man they pass. They do not stop to talk with them. This is their way of letting them know that even though they are with their own friends, and engaged in conversations with them, the guys on the street were not invisible to them, and they recognized that they were gay men too and wanted to extend a friendly “hi” to them. “We’re all part of the same community whether we know each other or not,” Imbriani says. “And we don’t have to get to know each other, but it certainly doesn’t hurt to just say “hi” anyway. It’s a healing ‘feel good’ event!”

At the first one, on July 23, 50 guys assembled and they reached 846 gay men in 50 minutes. On the second event, Aug. 6, 45 of them got together and they reached 700 gay men in an hour. “I know we brightened someone’s day!” says Imbriani. Their website is isparksf.org.

Adam Quintero, another member of SFGMCI, says, “ I don’t have a problem saying “hi” to people that I don’t know, but I believe that it is special for us to get together and show others that a friendly gesture can go a long way.” He says, “What we want to do is open up our community to be able to just say hello. I feel that we should be able to talk to one another. To have that small town feel to our big city.” He adds, “We have to remember this is our home. Therefore it is important that we are a friendly environment. I know we all want that, but no one or group has stepped forward.”

“I hear people from the LGBT community tell me that they are afraid to say hi, because that person will interpret that they are coming onto them,” says another SFGMCI member, Mark Rhoades. “That’s what straight people say all the time about gay people. That they are afraid to socialize with us because we will come onto them.” He adds, “Some people have told me this is a healing effect on our community, for so many people have lost friends to AIDS and also after Badlands and And Castro For All, we need to resolve everything.”

Many LGBT leaders have come out to support this cause, including Supervisor Bevan Dufty, City Treasurer Jose Cisneros, Supervisor Fiona Ma, LGBT Community Center Executive Director Thom Lynch, artist and TV host Tim Gaskin, activist Joe Caruso, Director of the AIDS Health Project Marshall Feldman, Human Rights Commissioner Cecilia Chung, Jimmer Cassiol from the Mayor’s Office, Executive Director of AIDS Emergency Fund Mike Smith, Director of New Leaf Services Joe Neisen, Co-Chair of the Alice B. Toklas Democratic Club Scott Wiener, Managing Director from Glide Calvin Gipson, President of the Harvey Milk Club Greg Shaw, Empress Donna Sachet, various Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence, Don Romesburg and John Newsome of And Castro For All, marriage activists Kelly Hart, Stuart Gaffney, and John Lewis, to name a few.

“It is so much fun, and it is nice to be able to make someone smile,” says Rhoades. “Everyone seems to stay in their own cliques. No one walks around to introduce themselves, shake hands or just to say hello. If more people reached out in this way, their social life would change overnight.”