Since July 14th was Bastille Day, Sister Dana French-kissed a lot of guys. That’s why they call it “Gay Paree!”

And speaking of French revolutions, catch the revolting musical at Brava Theatre. No, not the pejorative “revolting,” but rather the action of staging a revolt. It’s Marc Huestis’ and Thrillpeddlers’ fantastic production of MARAT/SADE playing now through July 29. The play within the play directed by Marquis de Sadetakes place during the Revolution, in the middle of 1793. The scenery makes this Tony Award-winning 1963 theatrical classic by Peter Weiss more contemporary than its setting (July 13, 1808, just after the French Revolution) inserting a modern Occupation Movement theme. Inmates of the asylum have painted the walls with “Solidarity!” “Ryan, Gingrich, Koch Bros.” “Ayn Rand F%$#’s You” and “NRA.” The period costumes are fabulous! The ensemble cast is brilliant. The script is riveting. The music is both depressing and inspiring. You activists are guaranteed to leave singing, “We want our rights and we don’t care how; we want our Revolution NOW!” Tickets at ticketfly.com/venue/4167 or by calling (415) 863-0611. Come in solidarity with the 99%!

And if blood and guts are not your cup of tea (ew), set your designs on DESIGNING WOMEN: LIVE ! Presenting a live presentation of two of your favorite episodes of the classic sitcom. Starring Heklina (ditzy Charlene), director D’Arcy Drollinger (sarcastic, caustic Julia Sugarbaker), Arturo Galster (egocentric, selfish Suzanne Sugarbaker), Johnny Kat (practical, lovable Mary Jo), Marilynn Fowler (black ex-con Anthony) Lady Bear,and Laurie Bushman.Mondays & Tuesdays, now through August 28, 7pm and 9pm shows at Rebel,1760 Market St. @ Octavia. $20 tickets available in advance brownpapertickets.com/event/257046,$25 at door night of show. These are the later episodes at the Atlanta design firm during the early ‘90s when two characters are married with children and coping with the trials thereof.

Bushman gives us hilarious live commercials for Calgon bath salts, Summers Eve douche, and other products. We hear the familiar “Georgia on My Mind” theme song. Crazy old Bernice makes an appearance. Ex-beauty queen Suzanne and the girls have to confront homophobia and their various ways of dealing with the subject. Coming out is more than just a Southern cotillion, ya know! Age is just a number, and beauty contests are in the eye of the beholder.

UP YOUR ALLEY Leather Fair on Dore Alley & Folsom Street is July 29th, 11am to 6pm between 9th and 11th Streets. This is the little brother of Folsom Street Fair, and is much more intimate. Featuring coat and clothes check available this year at the fair, sponsored by Castro Country Club - located on 10th Street,next to the soda booth. Homobiles = moes gettin’ ’hoes where they needz to goes. Gay taxis located at 9th and Folsom andon 10th and Sheridan. DJ line up: Rocket Collective - 11am; Joey Jink - 12:30pm; Robbie Martin - 2pm; Steve Sherwood - 4pm. Over 40 exhibitors - from toys to t-shirts, bondage to boot-blacking, and cock-rings to calendars. Up Your Alley has something for everyone. Bay of Pigs is the Official Saturday Night UYA Dance Event. Tickets at Mr. S Leather - SOMA (on 8th Street); Chaps - Castro (on 18th); Phantom - Castro (on Castro Street).

Time to stock up on lotion, uncork the Chianti, and simmer the fava beans for THE SILENCE OF THE TRANS with Peaches Christ as Trannibal Lector & special guest season 4 winner of RuPaul’s Drag Race, Sharon Needlesas Buffalo Jill at the world premiere of a musical pre-show extravaganza! Two shows on July 28that 8pm and a murderous matinee at 3pm at Castro Theatre. Both programs will feature a“Serial Killer” Costume Contest with prizes “gore-lore” and a screening from a 35mm print of the award-winning horror/thriller Silence of the Lambs. Sharon Needles will be available for a post-show fan meet, greet and autograph signing in the Castro mezzanine once the film begins. Visit store.peacheschrist.com/products to explore your ticketing options. It will be bloody good!

BAY TIMES/OLIVIA held their post-Parade party for staff and friends at the lovely Castro home of Irene Hendricks (who played her Maj.
Queen Elizabeth on our Parade cable car) along with Sister Dana the rainbow nun. Food and libations aplenty! Overheard at the soiree: “It’s not a party until someone steps in the cat’s water dish!”

“CHRISTMAS IN JULY” was the beer bust fundraiser at The Edge for Mama’s Family toy drive, hosted by Sister Eve Volution and Sister Pat N Leather, with me as door whore in red and green habit, collecting the dough. Gorge live performances were given by drag queens Mercedez Munro, her drag daughter Erykah Daye Munro, Jezebel Patel, and Tara Wrist. Lovely wines were the raffle prizes.

Richmond/Ermet AIDS Foundation with producers Ken Henderson and Joe Seiler presented One Night Only Cabaret with the cast of AMERICAN IDIOT and special guests Bruce Vilanch (with lots of timely John Travolta massage jokes, Magic Mike movie references, and a funny Fifty Shades of Grey reading) and Paula West (singing “Like a Rolling Stone”) at Marines Memorial Theatre benefiting Broadway Cares/ Equity Fights AIDS. I so enjoyed the Asian drag queen, Duck Saucey, who pulled a giant fan from her bra and an umbrella from between her legs while lip-synching “A House Is Not a Home.” Wacky! The fabulous finale was the entire cast singing none other than “Good Riddance” by Green Day. Mark yer calendars for REAF’s Help Is on the Way XVIII on August 5th at Herbst Theatre: helpisontheway.org or (415) 273-1620.

The Monster Show returns to The Edge with “SUMMER OF LOVE,” a Groovy Drag Show, Baby, on July 26th, 10pm, five bucks. Presented by Cookie Dough and starring Kit Tapata, Tweaka Turner, MuthaChucka, Sugah Betes, Kegel Kater, and more. DJ MC2 is back on the decks.

“And the ones that mother gives you, don’t do anything at all, go ask Alice when she’s 10 feet tall...” Cookie tells Sister Dana, “Everyone at The Midnight Sun was so kind, gracious, and generous as they hosted us while The Edge was going through their City permit issues, which we now know can go on FOREVER, and we’ve improved on some things and hope you’ll enjoy our new stage lights and sound.”

Sister Dana sez, “Lock the doors, lower the blinds, fire up the smoke machine, and put on your heels, ‘cause I know exactly what we need: Let’s have a kiki!