The heart of Sister Dana Van Iquity is empty, because there’s no candy in his box 

Because of the dearth of valentines sent his way, Sister Dana mourned the loss and instead celebrated a Happy Lunar New Year in the Year of the Dragon at Immune Enhancement Project’s open house on Feb. 2nd, where there was delicious food, drink, Kippy Marks on electric violin with healing trance-inducing music, and a lively Qi Gong demonstration by Michael Goodwin. IEP’s quality services are really affordable with their integrative approach to healing - encompassing traditional Chinese medicine, acupuncture, massage therapy, reiki, herbal therapy, and nutrition counseling at 3450 16th Street in the Castro, iepclinic.com, (415) 252-8711.

The Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence, Inc. held a fabulous fundraiser, “Wine Tasting for a Cause: Supporting Our Habits,” at D&H Sustainable Jewelers, beautifully organized by Novice Sister Violet Sin Bloom. “It’s truly wonderful to be able to bring the community together to enjoy the jewelry, most of which was designed by artists right here in the Castro,” said Sr. Violet. “I can look at each person in the community here as a facet that has come together to create one glowing jewel!” Over 150 Sisters and guests attended, munching on nibbley bits and tasting delicious wine pourings generously donated from A Cellar Full of Noise. 

Peaches Christ and SF Sketchfest put on the most incredible Rocky Horror Picture Show ever at the Castro Theatre, with several troupes doing live musical interpretations on stage, including the Midnight Mass Players: Dr. Frank-N-Furter played by Peaches Christ; Riff Raff...Peggy L’eggs; Magenta...Lady Bear; Columbia...Cousin Wonderlette; Rocky...Pristine Condition; Brad...PJ Soulless; and Janet...Tangyna; star Luke Perry, who played Brad on Broadway, made an appearance; and the climax of all was star Barry “Brad Majors” Bostwick (asshole!) in bustier, boa, fish nets, and stiletto heels being interviewed by Peaches! Fierce! 

Hey men, are you stumped on what to give your guy for Valentine’s Day? Or if you don’t have a lover, why not love yourself with these sexy toys?! May I suggest a trip to your local Good Vibrations store? Or go online at goodvibes.com. I will note a few of my favorite jack-off toys. Pump up the volume with a Penis Pump for pleasure. An extra-long, extra wide chamber accommodates any size, and a PVC ring forms a tight seal when pressed against your body, providing cushioning between the cylinder base and the skin. Designed for single-handed operation, it utilizes a quick-release valve for immediate depressurization when needed.

Tenga Egg Masturbation Sleeve proves eggs aren’t just for breakfast anymore. Peel it like you would a hard-boiled egg; then crack open the shell to reveal a stretchy slippery sleeve. A choice of seven different textures inside gives different strokes for different yolks! Although intended for a single session, I found - if handled and cleaned carefully -  you can use over and over. And NO, I do NOT rinse out my used condoms!

Two toys are fun sci-fi fantasies.

With the Fleshlight Alien Masturbator, experience extraterrestrial ecstasy with a pearlescent blue sleeve and other-worldly entry hole into an out of this world internal canal for intergalactic orgasms. The silicone sleeve cleans up easily, and the hard outer case keeps it safely stored between visits. Fang Banger Waterproof Vibrating Cock Ring provides bloody good vampire fantasies on your privates. This fanged cock ring can offer a True Blood experience with soft silicone “teeth” and other stimulating nubs, plus two push-button mini-vibrators, one for the dick and one for the balls. And bat-teries are included. Tenga 3-D Masturbation Sleeve is really soft, white elastomer outside with various geometric notches inside as you turn it around, giving varieties of sensations. Lube it up, and the closed end creates mild suction, increasing the pleasure. Reusable and easy to clean, it comes with a stand and tubular plastic case. Includes a mini-vibrator for extra pleasure.

Hand Solo Silicone Stroker has an innovative open-face design to take self-pleasuring to new heights with a blue flexible sleeve that closes to mold itself to accommodate a variety of organ shapes and sizes. Raised nubs and ridges provide an exceptional textural element to your sessions of self-love. Comfortable and easy to hold, this soft silicone grip houses a bullet vibe for intense vibration sensation.

A great double date is Marc Huestis’ Love Story at the Castro Theatre with live interview of star Ali MacGraw on Valentine’s Day, Feb. 14, 8pm. Tix at ticketfly.com or call (415) 863-0611.

In the meantime, I’ll be wearing my heart on my sleeve.