Entertainer Jeb Havens, Joan Crawford Texas, Mutha Chucka, and parodist Tom Orr.

‘Whatcha Doin’ Wednesday,” held every third Wednesday of the month, has become the hot thing to do on a cold night in the Castro. It’s a combination bar crawl and moving entertainment to help us get over hump day and get out to socialize while supporting Castro businesses. On Sept. 15, two notorious drag queens, Joan Crawford Texas and Mutha Chucka, led a gang of queeros from bar to bar, eventually coming together in the 17th Street Plaza. But first I joined co-sponsors Patrik Gallineaux and Joan at the Mix for a special $4 Stoli Ohranj Cosmo to enjoy the dancing and singing of Gypsy Love and her girls shaking their moneymakers. Then it was the deliciously dirty parodies of Tom Orr such as “Dreaming of Being a Porn Star” roughly based on The Little Mermaid; “Ya Gotta Get a Gimmick” from Gypsy (complete with banana blowjob demonstration); and “I’m Just a Boy Who Cain’t Say No” from South Pacific. Coy Ellison was outside breathing fire for our amazement. In Moby Dick, Joan wittily commented on Ellison’s act as “such a flaming faggot!”

Everyone assembled in the new plaza across from Harvey Milk Plaza in front of Twin Peaks to watch Ellison spin an umbrella spine lit on fire at every spoke and twirling faster and faster in the night to “Birds of Fire.” Mutha Chucka joined Joan Crawford Texas in a reenactment of the infamous Mommie Dearest scene. “Why did you adopt me?” queried Joan’s daughter Tina in a rage. “I don’t ask much of you, girl; why can’t you give me the respect I’m entitled to?” Joan screamed to her daughter. “I am not one of your fans!” Tina shouted back. Then the two chased each other around and lip-synched to “Mamma Mia” from the musical so entitled. It’s always a challenge to perform in the plaza when at any moment the F-train could roll over a performer. Not really. The drivers are very courteous as they lay on the horn. Local singer/ songwriter Jeb Havens on keyboard played and sang some of his original compositions, including my favorite, “Hideaway.” Go to JebHavens.com to download some of his beautiful numbers. He then played a rather dark, ominous piece, “Lose It All,” for a change of mood. “A Driven Man” had a pleasant country sound to it. The SideShowCrew took the stage to do some steppin’, droppin’ it like it’s hot, and dippin’ down low. They followed with some tricky chair work to Janet Jackson’s “Nasty Girl.”

We trooped over to Café Flore for more of Jeb Havens and Gypsy Love singing live. Our host Gary Virginia announced that the Krewe de Kinque would be bringing back its notorious Full Moon Party on Sept. 23, 8 p.m. at the Edge bar, where some lucky asshole could win a hundred bucks in the bare buns contest, where Joan and Sister Dana will help judge. For more info, go to sfkinque.com, then to the Edge to wear your finest Mardi Gras outfit.

Next we caught the weekly Wednesday Mary-Go-Round show at Lookout bar with femcee Suppositori Spelling. Ms Spelling lip-synched fiercely to Sharon McNight’s wicked parody of “You Are the Wind beneath My Wings” as “You Are Contempt beneath My Feet.” Tom Orr gave us some more clever parodies, including “The Lady Is a Man” to the tune of “The Lady Is a Tramp.” Kalisto D’Amore did the “What What” song. Ferosha Titties did Pink Floyd’s “Great Gig in the Sky.” Urethra Franklin gave us “Good to Me” by Aretha Franklin and “Power of Goodbye” by Madonna. Grand Duchess candidate Cookie Dough (who also hosts Mary-Go-Round on other Wednesdays) did The Smiths’ “Bigmouth Strikes Again.” Miss Rahni showed us how easy to be sleazy it can be and gave us some fancy dancin’. Pristine Condition gave us “Midnight” by Yaz. Mahlae Balenciaga was Janet Jackson with “Escapade” and then BeyoncĂ© with “Sweet Dreams or Beautiful Nightmare.” Artist did “Good Night and Good Luck” by Drake. VivvyAnne Forevermore gave her gorgeously live singing version of Lady Gaga’s “Pokerface.”

The evening ended at Trigger with the crowd going wild over Gypsy Love and her bare-chested boys and hot chicks, as well as SideShowCrew with a live vocal by Amber doing Rihanna. Don’t miss the next “Whatcha Doin’ Wednesday,” when I’ll see you out and about in the Castro!