|Mary Go Round Performers: Gloria Whole, Shakey Gibson, hostess Cookie Dough, Jupitier, Miss Rahni, door whore Sandra O Noshi Dâint. PHOTO BY JASON HUSTED
The Mary Go Round is a pun on merry-go-round. It had been quite a while since this reportress had visited the weekly Castro drag show known as Mary Go Round in the local Lookout bar, so I thought Iâd check it out. Cookie Dough hosted that week, and it was the fiercest to say the leastest. DJ MC2 (the Doughâs main-squeeze sweet treat) handled the music spinning flawlessly. Cookie opened in zingy zebra dress lip-syncing âMe and Mrs. Jonesâ by Sandra Bernhard - a sexy number meant to be sung by a man, but Mz B turned it into a lesbian love song, and Mz D totally turned it out like a true rug muncher.
Gloria Whole, back from SoCal in thigh high leather high heel boots, did an entire Jackie Beat medley set, where JB had turned ABBA into filthy lyrics.
For me, it was the height (depth??) of the evening with such tunes as âBlowing Me, Blowing You,â âI Donât Wanna Talk (about your false advertising as it turns out your package is all potatoes and no meat),â âWhatâre You?â (to âWaterloo,â because I canât tell WHAT the fuck you are), âDiarrheaâ (instead of âMama Miaâ), âFernandoâ (âthere was something in my hair that night, all sticky and whiteâ and it might have been when you shot jizz into my wig); and âTake a Crap on Meâ which was originally a Chance on Me. You get the idea, because it got reeaaally gross after that, and Iâm too much of a gentlenun to repeat it. Filth on fire!
Shakey Gibson sang live, not lip-synch, Maroon 5âs âSunday Morning.â Her wig looked like it had been through quite a night â as if Diana Ross in her Mahogany long âfro âdo had been slept in all weekend. But her voice was gorgeous. Pristeen Conditionâs torn fishnets were certainly not in pristine condition, but her lipping of American Idol Adam Lambertâs âNot Aloneâ was immaculate! Donât be afraid, say the lyrics, but do be afraid of the frayed stockings of Pristeen!
Miss Rahni is a Mary Go Round regular. This time wearing sea foam green sparkles, she kept âSpinning Aroundâ to the number of the same title by Kylie Minogue. I will âbreak it down,â as the lyrics state: she was a whirling dervish to that piece! Jupiter the LaLaLaLa girl, looked like her shredded red outfit had exploded during nuclear war. She was large and in charge (earrings almost as big as her head) doing Queen Latifahâs âPoetry Manâ: âYou donât have to go; your eyes, they light the night, they look right through me, la la la la.â
Gloria Whole returned to show off her amazing memorization skills, doing a ten minute set faultlessly lip-syncing Lisa Lampenelli and her deliciously politically incorrect digs at Mexicans, Jews, Arabs, blacks, and especially gays. Gloria picked out various audience members to tease; for some reason Sister Dana was the Hispanic and not the gay guy. Go figure. Some other sucker got that privilege. âYou know the old saying,â she lipped. âOnce you go fag, your shoes match your bag.â
Shakey Gibson came back to perform yet another live song, Christina Aguileraâs âCome on Overâ and singing not the least bit shyly: âNo baby, donât be shy; you better cross the line; Iâm gonna love you right.â Right on! Pristeen Condition wore a big cross around her neck, which was only appropriate for her to lip âSaintâ by Marilyn Manson. She also had just slashed her wrist (pantomimed â not the real deal) with a bleeding red heart on her arm. The lyrics were so very sweet: âI donât care if your world is ending today; because I wasnât invited to it anyway; you said I tasted famous, so I drew you a heart; but now Iâm not an artist, Iâm a fucking work of art; I got an F and a C and I got a K too, and the only thing thatâs missing is a bitch like U.â Isnât that Manson fellow just too too adorable?!
Miss Rahni came back to execute more intricate choreography in that tiny little space, singing and dancing to Missy Elliotâs âFor My People.â The way she was twirling and whirling, I was very much in danger of getting a black eye. But it was very impressive, despite being dangerous. âSweat till I catch a fever; call me the illest diva; yo Iâm on FIRE!!!!!â Yep. That described Miss Râs act perfectly! Ending the whole show was Jupiter in yet another torn up (she toâe up from the floâ up) outfit to lip âLove Is like an Itching in My Heartâ by Diana Ross: the love bug done bit her.
As we go to press, March 3rd will be the first anniversary of Mary Go Round. Were you there? If not, you still can be. The fun happens every Wednesday night at Lookout with either Cookie Dough, Pollo del Mar, or Suppositori Spelling hosting. On a good night, youâll get all three!