Mary Go Round Performers: Gloria Whole, Shakey Gibson, hostess Cookie Dough, Jupitier, Miss Rahni, door whore Sandra O Noshi D’int. PHOTO BY JASON HUSTED

The Mary Go Round is a pun on merry-go-round. It had been quite a while since this reportress had visited the weekly Castro drag show known as Mary Go Round in the local Lookout bar, so I thought I’d check it out. Cookie Dough hosted that week, and it was the fiercest to say the leastest. DJ MC2 (the Dough’s main-squeeze sweet treat) handled the music spinning flawlessly. Cookie opened in zingy zebra dress lip-syncing “Me and Mrs. Jones” by Sandra Bernhard - a sexy number meant to be sung by a man, but Mz B turned it into a lesbian love song, and Mz D totally turned it out like a true rug muncher. 

Gloria Whole, back from SoCal in thigh high leather high heel boots, did an entire Jackie Beat medley set, where JB had turned ABBA into filthy lyrics.

For me, it was the height (depth??) of the evening with such tunes as “Blowing Me, Blowing You,” “I Don’t Wanna Talk (about your false advertising as it turns out your package is all potatoes and no meat),” “What’re You?” (to “Waterloo,” because I can’t tell WHAT the fuck you are), “Diarrhea” (instead of “Mama Mia”), “Fernando” (“there was something in my hair that night, all sticky and white” and it might have been when you shot jizz into my wig); and “Take a Crap on Me” which was originally a Chance on Me. You get the idea, because it got reeaaally gross after that, and I’m too much of a gentlenun to repeat it. Filth on fire!

Shakey Gibson sang live, not lip-synch, Maroon 5’s “Sunday Morning.” Her wig looked like it had been through quite a night – as if Diana Ross in her Mahogany long ‘fro ‘do had been slept in all weekend. But her voice was gorgeous. Pristeen Condition’s torn fishnets were certainly not in pristine condition, but her lipping of American Idol Adam Lambert’s “Not Alone” was immaculate! Don’t be afraid, say the lyrics, but do be afraid of the frayed stockings of Pristeen! 

Miss Rahni is a Mary Go Round regular. This time wearing sea foam green sparkles, she kept “Spinning Around” to the number of the same title by Kylie Minogue. I will “break it down,” as the lyrics state: she was a whirling dervish to that piece! Jupiter the LaLaLaLa girl, looked like her shredded red outfit had exploded during nuclear war. She was large and in charge (earrings almost as big as her head) doing Queen Latifah’s “Poetry Man”: “You don’t have to go; your eyes, they light the night, they look right through me, la la la la.” 

Gloria Whole returned to show off her amazing memorization skills, doing a ten minute set faultlessly lip-syncing Lisa Lampenelli and her deliciously politically incorrect digs at Mexicans, Jews, Arabs, blacks, and especially gays. Gloria picked out various audience members to tease; for some reason Sister Dana was the Hispanic and not the gay guy. Go figure. Some other sucker got that privilege. “You know the old saying,” she lipped. “Once you go fag, your shoes match your bag.” 

Shakey Gibson came back to perform yet another live song, Christina Aguilera’s “Come on Over” and singing not the least bit shyly: “No baby, don’t be shy; you better cross the line; I’m gonna love you right.” Right on! Pristeen Condition wore a big cross around her neck, which was only appropriate for her to lip “Saint” by Marilyn Manson. She also had just slashed her wrist (pantomimed – not the real deal) with a bleeding red heart on her arm. The lyrics were so very sweet: “I don’t care if your world is ending today; because I wasn’t invited to it anyway; you said I tasted famous, so I drew you a heart; but now I’m not an artist, I’m a fucking work of art; I got an F and a C and I got a K too, and the only thing that’s missing is a bitch like U.” Isn’t that Manson fellow just too too adorable?! 

Miss Rahni came back to execute more intricate choreography in that tiny little space, singing and dancing to Missy Elliot’s “For My People.” The way she was twirling and whirling, I was very much in danger of getting a black eye. But it was very impressive, despite being dangerous. “Sweat till I catch a fever; call me the illest diva; yo I’m on FIRE!!!!!” Yep. That described Miss R’s act perfectly! Ending the whole show was Jupiter in yet another torn up (she to’e up from the flo’ up) outfit to lip “Love Is like an Itching in My Heart” by Diana Ross: the love bug done bit her. 

As we go to press, March 3rd will be the first anniversary of Mary Go Round. Were you there? If not, you still can be. The fun happens every Wednesday night at Lookout with either Cookie Dough, Pollo del Mar, or Suppositori Spelling hosting. On a good night, you’ll get all three!