|The girls of Mary-Go-Round pose with the girls from In the Heights. Left to right, it’s Nikki Star, Ana Mae Coxxx, wig stylist for the touring Broadway show Rick Caroto, cast member Kevin Santos, columnist Pollo Del Mar and Violet Death. PHOTO BY GREG L
Notorious Sainted Glamazon About Town
A friend of mine recently shared with me a story about the man he is dating. Since meeting a couple months back, and hitting it off immediately, the two have seen one-another consistently. The guy appears to be open, honest and more than obviously interested in my friend. They spend a great deal of time with one-another, talk of the future and, over the next several months, have a handful of trips planned together.
Outwardly, even my pal says everything about the pairing is nearly picture perfect. Or, rather, it was until he noticed his boyfriend add a new Facebook friend this week.
A handsome single gentleman who lives locally, his beau’s cyber buddy at once brought out my friend’s every insecurity and doubt, not to mention a vein of jealousy he apparently works overtime to keep in check. He shamefully admitted to me how one night he spent hours online trying to find out more about this unknown person’s identity.
Now mind you, this is a good-looking, accomplished, well-liked small business owner. He is intelligent, successful in both his personal and professional life, and respected by his peers. By anyone’s standards, the man is a total catch, and yet something as simple as a new addition to his date’s social networking profile had him spinning out-of-control.
Needless to say, I laughed at the insanity of the situation he described, the idea of creating drama where there actually isn’t any. Then, without hesitation, I confessed how well I can relate.
As anyone who has read this column knows, I don’t date much, at least in no serious fashion or to positive results. Yes, during the more-than-two years I have written these weekly installments, there have been numerous first and second dates, even a few third and fourth times, not to mention countless crushes, flirtations and near-misses detailed in these annals.
However, not a single situation with bona fide potential has developed on the romantic front during that time. From blatant disinterest (on one, the other or both sides) to dismissing me once they learned of my life in drag, the reasons for my failure to connect in any meaningful, long-term way are as varied as the men I have met and attempted to date.
While I would love to think the responsibility for this lies solely out of my control and in the hands of others, that simply isn’t true. Like my friend, many of the biggest hurdles I face in dating are my own, slightly crazy thought processes and unhealthy perceptions which can creep up and foster unhappiness in nearly any situation.
A few weeks ago, for example, I met someone in town from New York with the touring cast of the Tony Award-winning Broadway musical In the Heights (which I discussed in my last column). As an actor, he gets that drag is simply a character and does not define me — “It’s what you do, not who you are,” he told me – and we hit it off immediately.
Soon after our chance meeting, I realized I enjoy spending time with my Dancer in a way I haven’t experienced (and had reciprocated) in recent memory. He is sweet, attractive and considerate, I love his laugh, and he has the most amazing eyes. I was smitten!
Despite the fact that he was only to be here for a short while, our interactions never seemed hurried or tawdry. It wasn’t a “sex” thing; it felt like “dating.” He introduced me without hesitation to every single member of his touring “family.” Best of all, he was so forthcoming with his thoughts and feelings, I never once felt I’d ventured out onto some emotional limb alone.
Since we realized our time together was limited from the start, we made the most of it, spending every available moment together. His last few days here, though, became increasingly difficult since we could no longer deny the obvious. Finally, we were forced to have that uncomfortable conversation about his leaving. To my surprise, it involved a twist.
Rather than simply saying our tearful good-byes, he asked instead what I thought of visiting when the tour lands in Los Angeles for five weeks later this month. Though it’s unclear what we might do after as the tour proceeds before returning to NYC, we decided to continue seeing each other for now. Already several trips to L.A. during July are planned.
Oddly, this has turned into — I’m both happy and sad to report — the most substantial dating situation I’ve had in quite some time. Despite the pressing issues which probably should scare the life out of me, for the moment, this actually feels “right.”
Rather than concern about what to do when visits become less feasible, I’ve actually found myself unsettled by how strangely comfortable I am with this situation. Though the distance should, perhaps, be a stumbling block, I feel willing to cross that bridge when we get to it.
Yet, while my mind might very well be in denial about this obvious hurdle, ample reason to undermine my contentment with the situation, I feel my brain slowly starting to seek – even create — more subtle reasons to be unhappy. Self-defeating questions like why such an incredible person would be interested in me or whether he might not find someone better on his tour pop up occasionally.
These are, of course, the same kinds of insanity and self-doubt my friend is experiencing with the man he is dating. As much as I wanted to learn from his painful story of obsession, tonight instead I found myself surfing my Dancer’s Facebook profile, scouring status updates looking for any reason to doubt him.
While I’m more than a little embarrassed by my actions, my eyes lit up when I finally found his most recent friend request. He approved it several weeks ago. It was the day after we met, in fact, and he is the one who sent that request to me.
Talk about a relief!
Follow “The Glamazon” at Facebook.com/PolloDelMar or Twitter.com/TheGlamazonPDM. Email her direct at Pollo_DelMar@Yahoo.com.