Notorious Sainted Glamazon About Town

A picket sign decrying Prop. 8 in one hand and the other pressed against his temple, Darryl Janssen’s face was puffy and red when we saw each other Tuesday morning in the Civic Center. As I pulled him into a tight embrace, he began to cry. In fact, the one-time Mr. Hayes Valley Leather titlist began to sob. “It’s just so unfair,” he managed as his body heaved, “I wish my husband was here right now.”

And so there I was, calmly consoling a newfound but still very dear friend in the center of McAllister Street on May 27, 2009. It was barely 10 am, but it was already an emotional morning in front of City Hall. The California Supreme Court upheld the electoral ban of same-sex marriages while grandfathering in the more than 18,000 LGBT couples already legally wed. Darryl and his partner Dan Alexander were among those fortunate enough to be married while it was still legal, but that did little to appease Darryl. “So we’re a protected class of people now?” he asked incredulously.

“No,” I told him, seemingly too exhausted to even muster his righteous indignation, “It means you’re an endangered species on the verge of extinction.”

Minutes before, when the ruling was announced, I was standing with Bevan Dufty. Though the San Francisco District 8 Supervisor and I were both saddened, neither of us proved particularly surprised or even outwardly emotional. As pointed out by Rafael Mandelman, who plans to run for Bevan’s current seat when the Supe makes a bid for Mayor in 2011, it was hard to be surprised when the outcome was exactly as so many in-the-know predicted.

“Looks like we have to take this back to the ballot,” Bevan finally said with resignation. Once again, I was surprised to find myself completely devoid of emotion on the subject.

It was a far cry from the highs of my rather amazing weekend. Thursday at The Crib, Shannel from Season 1 of RuPaul’s Drag Race introduced Anjie Myma and me as Bay Area front-runners to be cast on Season 2. (I am still holding at #7 in the country, mind you, and ever-so-slowly gaining on #6, New York City sensation Hedda Lettuce.) The following day, I performed with Trannyshack on the main stage at Lesbian & Gay Day at California’s Great America, the same stage where the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence later “sainted” Harvey Milk’s nephew Stuart and legendary Erasure singer Andy Bell headlined.

Sunday evening, I was honored to close the sold-out Trannyshack: Madonna Tribute at the Cat Club, performing “Erotica” with Anjie, Sandra O. Noshi-Di’n’t, Cher Nobyl, Eric Schuman and Javier Ruiz. The following day, while hosting my second-annual Memorial Day “Recovery” party at Lookout, I was shocked by a surprise visit from DJ Luke Johnstone, DJ Wayne G and Andy Bell himself!

However, by Tuesday morning, all of that adrenaline was gone. Even after a full night’s sleep, I stood outside the State Surpreme Court Building drained both of energy and emotion, it seemed. 

“I feel numb,” I confessed to Bevan, Darryl and my friends Alfred McGuigan and reigning “Emperor” Paul “Maka” Poole, who had shared with me earlier that day the tremendous success of the Judy Shepherd fundraiser he cosponsored with Donna Sachet, raising over $12,500 for charity. Given how fired up, how incredibly gung-ho, I’d been during previous protests, my apparent lack of attachment baffled me. Yet since waking up that day, knowing the court ruling was hanging in the balance, I felt a kind of apathy I could only attribute to a sense of defeat.

Despite having no steam of my own to blow off, I joined my friends as we ventured toward the rally blocking Van Ness and Grove Streets. Earlier, a well-dressed woman in an eggshell skirt suit and matching vintage shoes had caught my eye. Now she was leading a chant. “Civil rights under attack, what do we do?” she called, to which the crowd responded, “Stand up, fight back!”

“Marriage equality under attack, what do we do?” “Stand up, fight back!”

And then my apathy was gone, but it was not replaced by the spirited sense of civil disobedience that drove the hundreds holding that intersection. Nor was I filled with the fury of so many others around us, including Alfred – nee, Tyia Munro – who was a hair’s breadth from full-on angry-black-girl mode.

Instead, I found myself crying, then sobbing just as Darryl had nearly an hour before. In all honesty, I couldn’t control myself. As one who so seldom shows such emotions – much less in a crowded thoroughfare – I was suddenly overwhelmed, self-conscious and embarrassed. Quickly I tried moving away from the crowd, out of the sight of my friends, but they would have none of it.

Within seconds Paul and Alfred caught up, wrapping their arms around me, holding me. And while Alfred cursed under his breath at those who had taken our rights from us, the Emperor and I wept as we walked. Before we reached Market Street, I’d regained my composure, but a tremendous sadness washed over me.

“Let’s go to The Mix,” Alfred suggested, “Girl, I need a cocktail.”

“Bitch, you still smell like liquor from last night!” I said dryly.

“Oh, no she didn’t!” Tyia responded bitterly, which left Paul and me no choice but to laugh. Alfred soon joined in. We were still chuckling when we got off Muni in the Castro, even as we walked past newscasters polling passers-by about their feelings on the Court’s decision.

While I am certainly not happy to have the right to marry pulled from beneath us, I firmly believe it to be only a temporary setback. As I walked down the street arm-in-arm with those two people I love very much, something else occurred to me. The gay community has never relied on the outside world to validate or understand our relationships, and even the state Supreme Court can’t negate what I know in my heart.

Especially when it comes to friendships, it would take a helluva lot more than a simple majority and a Court ruling to make those relationships seem any less real. And while those 18,000 same-sex couples might be a protected and endangered species, in our community, good friends are anything but on the verge of extinction.

“The Glamazon” currently ranks #7 of more than 700 hopefuls for Season 2 of RuPaul’s Drag Race. Vote daily at http://www.RuPaulCasting.com/people/PolloDelMar. Contact her at Pollo_DelMar@yahoo.com