Witness the greatness of Beth Ditto and The Gossip

As you may have noticed, I’ve been absent from these pages of Bay Times for the past month or so, and I just wanted to thank you readers for all the concerned and supportive letters and floral tributes I received during my time off. I didn’t travel to any exotic places, there were no family emergencies or crises, no extended illness, no court ordered appearances, no incarcerations, and no visits to rehab that drew me away from my weekly printed missives. Unlike troubled boozing trainwreck Amy Winehouse, I’ve remained firm on my position to never go to rehab. Last week it was widely reported that apparently they can try to make her go to rehab and she will, in fact, go go go. What a delicious piece of irony that is, her widely heard original statement regarding rehab which radio play and gay bars everywhere will never let us forget, suddenly seemed thoroughly compromised. But have no fear, subsequent reports have spotted the gifted and unusual talent in many places this week, and none of them have been anywhere near rehab. Personally, I’m glad that Ms. Winehouse is sticking to her guns after all. Concerned fans should support her in remaining true to her original stance. Rehab is for those loathsome and indulgent Hollywood messes like Britney and Lindsay and Paris and Nicole. Rehab is for quitters, and I admire resolve. I also think Winehouse is a pretty amazing songwriter, a fabulous roller-coaster ride of an artist to watch, and she really can work that black eyeliner. So, wherever she is, I’m sure she’ll be back and it will be good. I definitely know its good to be back as well.

I just took the month of August off because I never really have taken an entire month off before. That seemed like a good enough reason to me. Ever since my award-winning journalistic coverage of the Earthquake and Fire of 1906, I’ve written steadily without pause here in San Francisco, save for a brief period in the mid seventies when I chose to devote myself spiritually to a higher power and relocated to French Guyana to help create a utopian colony of believers led by a very charismatic Reverend named Jim Jones. We called it Jonestown.

Back then sobriety and rehab and AA and all this current fuss about addiction hadn’t quite permeated the consciousness of most Americans like it has today. The Gay Parade had just started and there wasn’t even a Living Sober contingent representing. Not everyone was as aware of the doctrines and methods and support groups that guided addictives to leading new lives free of substance abuse. Not everyone knew which celebrity failed their pee tests, wore an alcohol monitoring anklet or slipped off to an expensive exclusive rehab. Not everyone knew that first you admit you have a problem and are powerless over alcohol. Second, come to believe that a Higher Power greater than yourself can restore your sanity, etc etc.

It is only now that I realize just how much my chosen spiritual path to Jonestown truly resembles the chosen path to sobriety or the modern entity known as rehab. I mean, what rehabilitation center isn’t in its own way a Jonestown? People go to rehab to jones, which is a verb for actively craving a particular substance you can’t have, kind of like keester is a verb for hiding things up your ass while in jail. Perhaps some people aren’t aware of the meaning of these words in the active tense. It is one of writing’s biggest rewards to teach new things, really.

But back to Jonestown. When I was there i had a personal spiritual epiphany of my own in the humid sweltering heat and decided to leave the colony for a pack of smokes. This can take quite awhile in a remote tropical paradise, and when i returned to Jonestown I saw that several hundred others had not been so lucky in their own chosen spiritual path. Now I forever equate in my mind the scattered, turgid victims of the largest mass suicide cult in history to the many individuals who by hook or by crook, and with the media trumpeting each and every step closer, are rehab bound. As a twisted side-note, I also envision that smiling frosty pitcher of Kool-aid with arms and legs running across the fields of swollen bodies while someone screams, “Hey Kool-aid!” At any rate, when Amy Winehouse says, “No, no, no,” I think she’s made the right decision.

I think it’s amazing and wonderful that Morrissey is playing four shows at the Fillmore this month, the 23rd 24th 26th and 27th, giving his legions of fans the chance to catch the master showman multiple nights and in a venue that I’ve always thought was the ideal size—not to mention elegant and rich with history. The Mission District is all a-tither. I cann’t wait to witness the phenomenon. Get your tickets soon... like yesterday. I expect all nights to sell out.

Also, coming up on Nov. 5 at Bimbos is an awesome triple bill featuring Panther, The Long Blondes, and the greatest band on the planet, The Gossip, led by the coolest person alive, Beth Ditto. It,s been a very big year for this trio who stole my heart from the very first note and held it steady for six years now. I’d also like to point out that the British paper Guardian Unlimited (found online at http://www.guardian.co.uk/) has been featuring a bi-monthly column called “What Would Beth Ditto Do” in which Beth dispenses advice to readers on a variety of topics. Her candor and charm and unflappable ethics are turning her into a cult hero from yet another angle, as if that were possible. I’ve never been more pleased by any other artist achieving superstardom than I am for Beth. In this world, in these times, this was pure destiny - it had to be. Witness the greatness that is The Gossip.

Yet another upcoming happy musical occasion is the return of one of San Franciscos smartest and best-looking pop-savvy rock bands ever, Imperial Teen. After a hiatus of five years the brilliant combo returns with their fourth LP The Hair, The TV, The Baby and The Band. The title serves as an explanation as to what each band member has been doing with their lives for the past five years. Jone has a styling business, cutting hair, coloring and glamourizing. Roddy has been involved in television and film projects, Lynne gave birth to her third child just over a month ago, and Will has been touring the world with his own band, Hey Willpower. The record is a breath of fresh air, invigorating delectable pop genius, a graceful return to form and you can catch the fun live Sept. 29 at Bottom of the Hill and Sept. 30 at the Folsom Street Fair.