MC Trauma Flintstone interviews stripper Michael as Luka awaits his turn at the Lesbian/Gay Freedom Band’s benefit atthe Big Gay Fraternity House. The boys performed fabulously (below). Photo by Rink.

Yes, I realize Cinco de Mayo was several weeks ago, but Sister Dana is recovering from nasal surgery and is a bit behind. Say, maybe I should have had the behind lifted as well. Anyway, apparently the various powders I snorted in the ‘80s had caught up with me, leaving a hole in my septum, necessitating surgery. That’s a really long paragraph just to give an excuse for a tardy article, huh? Onward! The Big Gay Frat House threw yet another fabulous fundraising party on May 5th with a Mexican theme and open bar featuring tequila. Fortunately Sister Dana lives just a couple blocks down from the frat house, so after all that tequila, I just rolled home. The monthly party, hosted by the delightful Trauma Flintstone, this time benefited the SF Lesbian/Gay Freedom Day Band. “You cannot live in San Francisco without being exposed to this incredible Band,” said Trauma.

“They’re in practically every parade, and they give fabulous concerts as well.” She explained that the band needed funds to operate properly, and this fundraiser was going to help a 30-year old institution such as the Band. “Since we’re talking about old things, like Sister Dana, I thought I’d sing an old tune,” Trauma said, launching into a lively live rendition of the Fats Waller golden oldie, “Get Some Cash for Your Trash” - the original recycling anthem. Trauma brought Monistat to the stage, dressed in sexy scarlet attire. With a ciggie hanging daintily from her lips, she lip-synced a Spanish version of “Fever” by La Lupe – just perfect for the Cinco de Mayo theme. For her second set she lipped “I’ve Got Rhythm” (from the Gershwin movie, Girl Crazy) and “who could ask for anything more?” as she kicked up her heels and tore up the stage. She encored with “Some People Want It All.”

Litz Plummer the Opera Lady brought some class to the joint, if yuz knows what I means. A large woman with an even larger voice, she belted out the theme from Gianni Schicchi with her classically trained coloratura soprano. If you closed your eyes, you could swear you were at an Italian mob movie. She got a stomping ovation. Later she returned to sing more Italian opera.

Bebe Sweetbriar was next on the stage, singing live her rousing rendition of “McArthur’s Park” with “the cake left out in the rain and its sweet green icing dripping down.” That was the most psychedelic song I ever heard in the old hippie days, and she sang it flawlessly in her cutaway gown of red, black, and silver. Adding a bit of testosterone to the stage, Michael, dressed in financial district drag, did a hot strip to “Burning Up for Your Love” by Madonna. He even gave Sister Dana a lap dance! Here’s a bit of trivia for you: Michael was also a winner in the monthly Krewe de Kinque Full Moon Contest – showing off his fine young derriere. Wowzah! Michael’s friend Luca did a hot little strip number, shakin’ his moneymaker and peeling down to just a white jockstrap. Both guys are featured regularly at the Café’s “Boy Bar” night.

Trauma introduced the newly installed artistic director/conductor of the Band, Dr. Roberto-Juan Gonzalez, who said he was two years out of the closet and loving the gay life and community. He spoke of the Band’s next concert on June 8 at Ebenezer Lutheran Church at 8 p.m. Admission is free – but the Band always appreciates a donation. He treated the audience to a 1958 Jimmy Van Heusen torch song, accompanied by Trauma on keyboards.

Trauma reappeared for act two as a white trash mama lip-syncing the song, “I Feel Lucky Today,” and then brought Bebe back to the stage. Bebe changed outfits and wigs to appear just a bit more elegant and laid back. She sang live the Whitney Houston tune, “I Have Nothing (If I Don’t Have You)” and out-Whitneyed Whitney. Litz Plummer returned to prove she doesn’t just do opera, singing the hell out of a Melissa Etheridge medley. She put in a plug for a benefit she will be doing on July 19 for the Castro Lions entitled “Story Time with the Opera Lady,” at the Roxie New College Film Center, 3117 16th Street. She then gave a stunning rendition of “Un Bel Di” from the opera Madama Butterfly by Puccini.

Michael and Luca returned to work it out with Olivia Newton-John’s “Let’s Get Physical. “Let me hear your body talk,” said the lyrics as their lithe bodies did indeed talk to us. They even poured water over themselves a la Flashdance. They stripped down to their jocks, doing pushups and some faux fucking just for fun. After that steamy act, the stage was all wet… and so was the audience. Bebe came back in yet another wig and outfit change to sing live her interpretation of “Sweet Dreams” by the Eurythmics: “Some of them want to abuse you; some of them want to be abused.” That perfectly describes the last SM party I attended.

To end the night on a tasteful note (not!), Trauma sang her signature song, (which will be featured at the upcoming Masturbate-a-thon), “Tittie Fuck” with the enchanting lyrics, “As I caress your one-eyed snake, there is one request I must make: tittie fuck me!” Really, all she wants is a nice pearl necklace. Is that too much to ask for?! Perhaps, but you can take that up with her at the next Big Gay Frat House party on June 7th benefiting Stop AIDS Project. Party on, frat boys!!!