I just read a great opinion out of a federal court in Massachusetts that has the Christian right sputtering and blubbering like a small child on a cross country road trip. At stake was the question of whether Massachusetts public schools had the right to teach young kids about diverse families, specifically gay families, or whether religious parents had the right to be notified prior to any gay friendly discussions so that they could pull their vulnerable offspring out of earshot.

The case arose after a teacher in Lexington read the book King and King to a second grade class. King and King tells the story of a prince who searches for a bride, but ends up falling in love with another prince, marrying him, and—in an alarming display of graphic homosexual imagery—kissing him on the last page. The shocked parents of a seven-year-old sued the school authorities, and were subsequently joined by another enraged family, whose son came home with a copy of f Who’s in a Family?

(Answer: all kinds of wonderful and diverse people, all worthy of respect and understanding! Sing with me now! “We are Famm a LEE! I got all my sistas and ME!”)

The parents claimed that the school was violating their constitutional rights to parental authority as well as their free exercise of religion. In a 38-page decision handed down on Friday, Judge Mark L. Wolf dismissed their federal case, and sent them over to state court to argue about the details of Massachusetts’ law. According to their lawyer, the parents now plan to appeal the federal loss up to the U.S. Court of Appeals for the First Circuit, which is fine and dandy considering that Wolf based much of his decision on binding precedent from a 1995 First Circuit case.

As Wolf wrote, parents indeed have the right to raise and educate their children as they see fit. But once they elect to place their kids in the public school system, they do not have the right to micromanage the curriculum. Nor was their free exercise of religion compromised by the fact that little Tommy and Jimmy (actually it was Joey and Jacob) had to hear about a gay family. Sexual orientation discrimination is banned in the Clam Chowder State, and obviously same-sex marriage is a state-approved institution. As such, there is nothing untoward about sending public school students the message that gay families make up several of the many pretty patches in the state’s colorful social quilt.

That’s So Mormon!

Meanwhile, other school battles abound. A mother is suing the Abington School District in Pennsylvania after authorities refused to let her elementary school son dress up as Jesus for the Halloween parade. I haven’t read the school’s side of the story, but I can’t imagine any justification for (allegedly) forcing the poor little tyke to remove his crown of thorns and pretend to be one of Christ’s contemporaries. How fun is that? It’s like making a kid take off his Superman outfit and downgrade to Mediocre Man.

Of course we have the Mormon girl in Santa Rosa who was disciplined for using the expression “that’s so gay” in violation of school policy. That case is on trial before a judge at the moment, where she’s claiming that the written warning she received was harsher than the verbal punishment dealt out to similar offenders. Oh, and she also insists she didn’t realize that there was anything wrong with the noxious phrase.

And the Utah legislature has erected a roadblock to gay-straight alliances in the form of a bill that creates a ton of paperwork for kids who want to participate in after-school clubs. The bill also prohibits clubs from “advocating or engaging in sexual activity outside of marriage or forbidden by state law,” a restriction which is sure to come as a disappointment to all the girls and boys in the Tantric Sex Chess Club and the Bestiality Boosters.

The bill has been back and forth in both houses, where it’s been bewitched, bothered and bewildered into a contorted mess and then finally sent to the governor’s desk. At one point, the bill would have effectively banned the Boy Scouts and the Brownies, but they managed to redraft it until it mainly targets gay students. As Scott Wyatt, the Republican instigator of the measure explained: “We see a flock of birds coming toward us and we want to take one of those birds out, so we pull out our shotgun and fire. We’re going to miss the bird we want and get half of the other ones.” That’s a charming way to put it, don’t you think? Apparently they traded their shotgun for an M40A1 Sniper Rifle, and (Bam!) they got us!

All Hail Zwonitzer

That’s enough school news for now, even though there’s more I could tell you. But since we found ourselves talking about state legislative news, let’s round out the category. The most dramatic development this week was the victory in Wyoming, where the House Rules Committee killed an anti-gay marriage amendment that had already passed the senate. The tie-breaking vote was cast by Republican House Speaker Roy Cohee of Casper, but the hero of the day was arguably Dan Zwonitzer, a Republican from Cheyenne, who delivered a stirring spontaneous speech against the measure and acknowledged that his position could possibly cost him reelection.

“But I tell myself that there are some issues that are greater than me, and I believe this is one of them,” said Zwonitzer. “And if standing up for equal rights costs me my seat, so be it. I will let history be my judge, and I can go back to my constituents and say I stood up for basic rights. I will tell my children that when this debate went on, I stood up for basic rights for people.”

Elsewhere, the Oregon legislature is considering a domestic partner law that will provide marriage-lite rights to gay couples without violating the state’s anti marriage amendment. A marriage rights bill has been introduced in the Illinois house, although it probably has an uphill road. And Hawaii will consider a civil union bill in committee as we go to press. Hawaii is often, and erroneously, listed as one of the few states where same-sex couples are recognized for certain purposes. But the so-called reciprocal beneficiary status in the Island State is not much to speak of.

Finally, California lawmakers continue to introduce new rights proposals. But the Surf State is so far advanced compared to the rest of the country that most of the legislation borders on the arcane. State Senator Christine Kehoe has a bill in play that will cut property taxes for same-sex couples who split up prior to 2006, when a previous bill put gay couples on the same playing field as their married counterparts. I gather that many couples who had the bad judgment to sever their relationship prior to the introduction of tax equity have gotten stuck with huge reassessments when the property is transferred. Married couples who divorce do not have their joint real estate holdings reassessed.

And Senator Sheila Kuehl has launched a schools bill that seeks to strengthen current law, which already makes California a national leader in protecting GLBT students. I’m not jealous or anything, but do you know how far a property tax bill for same-sex households or a safe schools bill would get in the Texas legislature? About as far as I can throw a cow.

On a larger political stage, word has it that the Democrats are poised to introduce our top three Congressional agenda items: hate crime laws, the employment nondiscrimination act, and a bill to repeal Don’t Ask Don’t Tell. The first two apparently have a shot at passage, but I’ll believe that when I see it.

Darkness in the Sunshine State

As we go to press comes news that the city council of Largo, Florida, has taken the first steps towards firing the town’s city manager, Steve Stanton. Stanton, 48, has been city manager of this town of 76,000 for 14 years, reportedly doing a damn good job. But last week, the St Petersburg Times reported that Stanton has plans to transition, and has already begun hormone treatment and counseling. Stanton told the paper he would come to work as Susan, starting in April.

At first, it seemed like a nice story. Largo’s Mayor Pat Gerard called Stanton “a dedicated city manager who puts his job first” and pledged her support. Stanton, in turn, said the public transition would “take more courage than anything I’ve ever done.”

But the scenario went downhill after that. On Tuesday night, the city commissioners voted 5-2 to begin the process of ousting Stanton. The council is required to vote a second time, and Stanton has been placed on paid leave while the machinations play out.

“It’s just real painful to know that seven days ago I was a good guy and now, I have no integrity, I have no trust, and most painful, I have no followers,” Stanton told the commissioners.

Lord Have Mercy!

A friend of mine suggested I pay a visit to “SexinChrist” dot com, a fascinating tour of one man’s interpretation of scripture which, as you will see (Go!) encourages threesomes, bondage, fisting, and a host of other hedonistic Christian pleasures of the flesh.

Of course, gay male sex is prohibited. God made that very clear. But, for example, anal sex is a good way for Christian heterosexual couples to experience intimacy before marriage without breaking a vow of chastity! Lesbianism is not really against God’s will, and threesomes are acceptable provided there are two women, one man, and both women remain in a feminine role. Also, it’s essential to have the consent of the third woman’s husband if she is married.

As for S&M, why that’s OK too, because after all, women are commanded to “submit” to their husbands in all respects!

“The husband and wife who choose to enter into a consensual Dominant/submissive relationship are choosing to fully enact this commandment in their sexual life, a choice that is valid and honorable, and may bring them both deep sexual and spiritual fulfillment,” writes our provocative theologian. “BDSM, practiced responsibly, can be a tool of growth for both partners in a Christian marriage, as it allows them to more fully explore God’s plan for spiritual and sexual partnership.

“Just as we trust in the Lord in our submission to Him and willingly offer it, a wife who is submissive to her husband is offering a great spiritual gift and doing a great service for both herself and her husband. In Christianity, submission is holy. Even Christ, the Son of God, was submissive to the Lord.

“BDSM does not necessarily have to involve whips and chains, black leather, or dungeon gear, although if they find these props help them get in the mood, there is not reason why Christians should not use them,” continues the naughty narrative. “There’s nothing sinful about these items. In fact, they are part of the Christian heritage. As Paul wrote to the Corinthians, I beat my body and bring it into submission, for fear that by any means, that after I have preached to others, I myself should be rejected. (1 Corinthians 9:27) Many SM devices, such as floggers, whips, clamps, chastity belts, and the cat o’nine tails, bear close resemblance to used a wide array of devices early Christian penitents to whip their bodies and mortify their flesh. They did this to submit their bodies to Christ, to emulate his suffering on the Cross, and purify themselves spiritually and attain a closer union with God. Many BDSM practitioners describe a feeling of spiritual union with their partners that transcends physical sexuality.”

If you visit this site, don’t forget to click on the category: “Fisting and God’s Will (New!).” There you will learn that many Christian couples who have experimented in this area “have described it as being a profoundly spiritual experience.”

“On a symbolic and sexual level, a wife who is fisted by her husband has the experience of surrendering completely to the divine love and power of the Lord, as embodied by her partner’s hand. The husband in turn has the experience of touching and caressing her inwardly, in such a deep and intimate manner as God touches our own souls with His grace.”

Don’t forget the lube.

Rhode Island AG Says State Must Respect Gay Marriage

I had to stop myself from pulling even larger sections of text from this instructive cybersource (keep an eye out for the section on Christ getting a blow job from the woman at the well). But I do have a couple more news items for our mutual enjoyment.

The Attorney General of Rhode Island, Patrick Lynch, has issued an advisory opinion stating that Rhode Island should recognize the legal marriages of same-sex couples from Massachusetts. Lynch was asked for his legal analysis by the state Board of Governors for Higher Education after three state workers asked that their records reflect their Massachusetts weddings.

Given that the state has no formal anti-gay marriage policy, Lynch wrote, there are no grounds for the state to refuse to respect a marriage from a sister state. The decision is not binding, but will have an impact (we assume) on the Board of Governors and other Rhode Island officials. Interestingly, the state of Massachusetts has implied through court rulings that Rhode Island residents have the status to marry inside the Bay State borders. Other nonresident couples are barred from taking advantage of Massachusetts law by their home states’ statutes or amendments under a Massachusetts law that forbids couples from evading their own state’s marriage rules.

Lynch’s opinion comes as the Rhode Island Supreme Court is considering whether to take jurisdiction over a same-sex divorce case. The two Rhode Island women who married in Massachusetts have asked their local court to dissolve their union. The court, in turn, has asked the state supreme court to clarify the role of the lower court in this difficult context.

It’s all kind of confusing to me, but it seems as if the Postage Stamp State is headed for legal same-sex marriage through the back door.
And finally come news that captive female koala bears have a serious Sapphic streak. Scientists from the University of Queensland in Australia studied 130 bears, and observed that the bearettes were three times more likely to indulge in girl on girl action than heterosexual fun and games despite the presence of many males. The behavior, sometimes involving up to five female koalas at a time, was not observed in the wild. I think they were bored, frankly.