I am ice bound for the third day in a row here in the hills of Austin, enduring what the insane weather people refer to as a “wintry mix.” Local talking heads have dubbed the never-ending news story “The Big Chill,” and are engaged in a marathon on air discussion of revolving topics that include: “the dangers of walking on icy sidewalks,” “fallen tree limbs,” and “scary driving conditions.” It’s about 31 degrees, I should mention. Oh, I’m sorry. IT’S BELOW FREEZING!

Every time I turn on the TV, it’s the same thing. The somber tone and dire warnings. The hysterical scrolling updates about unchanged conditions (“WEATHER ALERT! A wintry mix of ice and snow continues to fall in central Texas!). The intrepid correspondents reporting from the scene of a fender bender at the corner of Congress and Fifth.

“Roger, this just shows you how slick the roads are and just how dangerous it can be to get into your car under these wintry conditions.”

“Thanks Mary. I think the most important thing we can tell our audience right now is to stay home! If you don’t have to drive, the best decision you can make is to stay where you are and just wait for these wintry conditions to ease up.”

“Roger, that IS the most important message. As this driver can testify, it’s extremely icy out here and as you can see, we’re still experiencing a wintry mix of precipitation.”

“And those temperatures haven’t budged. We’re still seeing BELOW FREEZING temperatures, so the situation is not going to improve for the next day or so.”

In the Bleak Mid Winter

Now, I have an excuse because I live on the top of extremely steep hills that are, in fact, impassable. But hello! The rest of the country is in the single digits and they’re not in a state of emergency, are they? Boston, St. Louis, Chicago, Minneapolis. Are they having a community-wide panic attack over a mid-January freeze? No. It’s the dead of winter, for God’s sake.

All that said, I still have no printer and have to cover the news by hopping online, reading some item, jotting down notes by hand, and retaining most of the salient facts in my tenuous short term memory bank. A wintry challenge indeed!

Blue Grass Blues

Luckily, it has not been a particularly heavy GLBT news week. The University of Kentucky is considering domestic partner benefits, a process that has fueled a legislative push to ban such benefits in public universities around the state. The proposed employment perks, said Rep. Stan Lee of Lexington, send children “a very bad lesson about the value of marriage.”

Mr. Lee has a point. Why would a child in Kentucky want to get married when he or she can hook up with a university professor and get health insurance out of wedlock? For the record, the University of Louisville already offers partner benefits, but I think that’s the only public Kentucky college that does so. And yes, Kentucky does have an anti-marriage amendment.

Can Arizona Do That?

On that subject, remember the excitement over Arizona’s defeat of an anti-marriage amendment last November? Of course you do. It was only two months ago. Well, some lawmakers are hoping to send another amendment to the 2008 ballot, this time a straight ban on same-sex marriage that will not have an impact on civil unions or domestic partnerships. Conventional wisdom in the Golf State held that the last amendment lost at the ballot box because of a smart campaign that emphasized the threat to unmarried partners. Without the extra language, the measure might have a better chance in theory.

I’m not sure, but I know in some states you’re not allowed to send the same ballot measure to the voters over and over again unless the measure is substantially changed or unless a certain amount of time has elapsed.

So would this new version be considered a completely different amendment? Arguably, the Arizona Supreme Court has essentially ruled no. When asked last year whether marriage and civil unions should be considered two separate subjects, the unanimous court ruled that the two types of legal ties were simply two features of a single topic—related concepts that share a common purpose and that can stand or fall together.
(That ruling was issued before the election, but the written opinion was only released this week.))

At any rate, it would be hard to argue under these circumstances that a marriage ban is a brand new notion, however it’s articulated.    

Bad Sister

Oh. One more thing about the Desert State. Scottsdale authorities were reportedly considering Marrakech as a sister city, but some activists noted that Morocco punishes gay sex by up to three years in prison, not a very sisterly policy. It’s unclear where the relationship stands.
This makes me wonder whether Austin has a sister city. Hang on.

Now that’s interesting! Apparently Austin has about a dozen sister cities including Old Orlu, Nigeria. Nigeria, as many of you know, is on the brink of passing the worst anti-gay law in the world, a statute that would ban gay gatherings, gay relationships, gay discussions, and pro-gay commentary. Needless to say, gay sex is already illegal in Nigeria. This new law will attempt to outlaw romantic attachments between two members of the same sex.

Perhaps I’ll have a word with Equality Texas.

For Pete’s Sake

As far as I can tell, Nigeria is fast on its way to taking over the vast Anglican Communion, filling up football stadiums around the country every Sunday under the dubious leadership of Archbishop Peter Akinola. Akinola has appointed a special U.S.-based bishop to minister to the handful of American congregations that have renounced U.S. leadership and split from the U.S. Anglican branch, aka the Episcopal Church, due to the election of Our Gay Bishop back in 2003.  

“When God created man,” Akinola reasoned, “he saw that man was alone and added a female mate for him. Why didn’t he pick one of the baboons, one of the lions to make his partner? He could have done so. He didn’t.” (Food for thought!)

For his part, the Archbishop of Canterbury, Rowan Williams, says he fears the situation is slipping beyond his control. Williams is the head of the Church of England, and considered “first among equals” among the Anglican primates. It seems, however, as if some primates are more equal than others, and needless to say we’re not talking about baboons. Rejects.

Turf War

Switching topics, I’ve been reading increasingly outraged screeds from the religious right on the subject of Section 220 of S.1, the lobbying reform bill now before the U.S. Senate. I googled the subject in order to find an “unbiased” report on the controversial language (specifically a report biased along my own opinion slant) but with few exceptions, the only available articles were from the religious right who claim the section stifles free speech and attacks religious freedom.

Checking the actual text of Section 220, a laborious exercise indeed, I find that the text requires that third parties who pay money in order to engineer what might appear to be a grassroots lobbying effort must declare themselves. I also learn that the tactic, presumably one close to the heart of James Dobson and Focus on the Family, is called “Astroturf lobbying.”

Frankly, I don’t even have to understand the provision to be wholeheartedly in favor of its passage. Anything that Dobson and company opposes with such vehemence must be good for the country. Plus, I think Bob Bennett, Mitch McConnell, Jon Kyl and my very own John Cornyn have offered an amendment to delete the section from the overall bill. Let’s just say that this is not our favorite foursome.

Surprise!

Hmmmm. I’ve hit a small mental wall here with another page to go in this column. Perhaps it’s time for a rambling walkabout through the
Irrelevant Forest. Have you noticed, for example, that television spots for male urinary incontinence drugs are suddenly all the rage? How did that happen? What about the male sex medications? I’m not seeing those anymore with the notable exception of the stuff that helps you get it up “when the time is right,” and presumably saves you from the embarrassment of walking into a surprise party with a full erection.

But my least favorite commercial these days is the pretentious piece about “the human element,” a senseless montage of incomprehensible images and meaningless observations, full of sound and fury and advertising nothing.  Seriously, I don’t know what company it’s for or why, but it so annoys me whenever it comes on that I have to race to the remote to hit mute before I explode with irritation. For the record, I am a very easy-going person.

A World of Good News

Getting back on track, you should know that the Italian Senate’s justice committee is considering civil union status of some sort. Italy’s an unlikely spot for gay couples recognition, but so is Lawrence, Kansas, where the city commissioners announced last week that they would support a domestic partner registry.

Actually Lawrence is a university town with a liberal reputation, so it’s not that surprising that the commissioners would approve a domestic partner registry. Particularly since said registry appears to be a symbolic recognition that provides no benefits.

And finally, the Mexican border state of Coahuila just south of Texas has voted in favor of a civil union plan that will reportedly come close to providing the rights of civil marriage. Mexico City approved a partner plan last year that is less expansive than the Coahuila program.

Winter’s Tale

I’ve been working for about four hours, so I put on the TV news in order to see whether the Big Chill was still the top, middle and bottom of the news. And yes! Within about four minutes I was treated to a spot on power outages due to fallen tree limbs (complete with intrepid reporter in front of a tree with a power guy cutting off a dangerous limb). That was followed by a traffic update featuring a shot of cars moving slowly down the interstate. Be careful folks! And we wrapped up the brief session with a weather report on the “winter blast” that has “lessened somewhat.”

On that happy note, I will close. But not before passing on an odd bit from newshound Rex Wockner, who cites the Times of India in reporting that police suspect “that the South Mumbai serial killings are the handiwork of a gang of frustrated homosexuals.”

Say what!

According to the Times, a police spokesman told the press that three homosexuals had been questioned, but to no avail. Authorities have also routed homosexuals from their favourite “haunts” under “flyovers” and in “dark corners.”

“Marine Drive, Churchgate station, Oval ground among other places were said to be favourite spots for the homosexuals,” wrote the Times.

“They look for partners at night and roam around with them.”

My my my. Our brothers and sisters in Mumbai sound unsavoury indeed, don’t they?  Very vampire! The Times piece provided no information about the serial killings, so the entire dispatch had a certain “j’en sais rien” feeling. Nonetheless, I will be steering clear of the gay hangouts in Mumbai.