Actress Sandra Bernhard was welcomed to the stage by Maitri ED Tim Patriarca. PHOTO BY RINK

BLISS, Maitri’s signature gala and auction fundraiser, was held at the Golden Gate Club in the Presidio on May 2 with two special guests, actress Sandra Bernhard and celebrity designer Carmen Marc Valvo. Maitri provides compassionate residential care to men and women in need of hospice or 24-hour care, and it cultivates the deepest respect and love for life among its residents and caregivers. 

The evening began with Heiwa Taiko playing dramatically on drums. This was followed by three dozen men and women - known as Gamelan Sekar Jaya - in colorful purple shirts and gold skirts playing percussion, bells, and wind instruments, along with women executing exotic folk dancing of the Orient. 

Maitri Executive Director Tim Patriarca acknowledged Jana Drakka, a monk who knew openly gay monk Issan Dorsey, the former abbot of Hartford Street Zen Center in the Castro and creator of Maitri. Drakka has been blessing BLISS with prayers ever since its beginnings. Patriarca also pointed out six Maitri ambassadors. In the 23 years of its existence, Maitri has been blessed with the support and dedication of many wonderful individuals. This year Maitri honored six of them: Chris Kollaja (donor/supporter for four years); Tessa Nebrida (volunteering for two years); Erich Pearson (founder of SPARC and supplier of medical cannabis for six years); Stan Stone (activities and volunteer coordinator for four years); and Winston Vaughan, M.D. (director of California Sinus Centers and donor/ supporter for six years). 

“You can walk through the doors of Maitri and just feel how special it is,” said Patriarca. “The staff and volunteers give their heart and soul to the program, so our residents feel surrounded by love, supported, and know they are getting the best possible care in the City.” 

Patriarca is resigning as the executive director of Maitri after serving for nine years. He will be leaving Maitri shortly after this year’s BLISS event to work at the San Francisco Department of Public Health as their director of Health at Home. The Health at Home agency provides health care services to San Francisco’s most vulnerable communities, and its multi-disciplinary staff serves those in need by ensuring continuity of care from clinic visits or hospital stays to their homes. “I hope to bring much of what I learned at Maitri to my new position,” said Patriarca. 

Former Board President Traci Teraoka will serve as the interim executive director. She also served in this role prior to his tenure. At the same time, the board of directors is forming a search committee to find a permanent replacement. 

Patriarca introduced Sandra Bernhard to perform a hilarious standup set, lovingly dissing supermodel Iman’s self importance and dishing her own “recent surgical procedure: never looked or felt better; do you recognize me?” She said, “I think I’ve had enough Botox though; I can’t even frown any more. I can’t get a role in Hollywood, because I have no expression left, for god’s sake.” She spoke of “the wonders and splendors of San Francisco” and how she has been coming here since she was ten, desperately awaiting age 18 when she could escape Arizona and flee here. Of course she joked about the insidious immigration policy of that state flagrantly violating civil rights of anyone suspected of not having proper papers. “You can have that dried up, funky old Arizona and John McCain and Cindy and Megan trying to defend all that shit. That girl is so fucked up - trying to be young and hip and Republican. It’s just not working!” She talked about being the mother of an eleven-year old daughter who is embarrassed every time Sandra swore. She said she recently got caught up in Twitter, “feeling insignificant with my paltry 70,000 followers compared to Mrs. Ashton Kutcher with all hers.” She said she had to block a few mean Tweeters who brought her down, texting, “Sandra, will you ever be funny again?” She said she feared accidentally “reaching out to some Michigan militia or tea-baggers that want to hang with me.” She concluded, “As long as I can reach my little tiny group of fabulous people like you, that’s all I need.” 

Designer Carmen Marc Valvo joined Bernhard to reveal his latest creations specially worn by fashion models working the runway in high style. Valvo has designed for such famous clients as Queen Latifah, BeyoncĂ©, Katie Couric, Leona Lewis, Princess Madeleine of Sweden, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Vanessa Williams, Kate Winslet, Eva Longoria, and Mary J. Blige. Bernhard was wearing her special black and metal studded Valvo gown and what she called her “baked potato foil boots” of shiny silver. “Take the stage, and give it up with a Vegas rage,” she instructed the models. She even sang a bit. 

Then both Bernhard and Valvo auctioned off extravagant items, while Bernhard added her quips. She called the tickets to the Grammy Awards “your CBS moment.” When she was unclear what an audience member was signaling, she jested, “Was that a bid or a Pilates move?” Regarding a weekend in the Hamptons, she said, “I crash there every summer for free, but this is a steal for you guys.” She urged, “Go there. It’ll be a Sex in the City affair.

Kim Cattrall will give you a blow job.” Her daughter may not have appreciated Bernhard’s bawdy humor, but that night the audience certainly did!